some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
