mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
