he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
