he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
