I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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