i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
