no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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