omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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