loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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