Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
