just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
