dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
