Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
