Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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