when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
