Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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