well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
