JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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