Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
