dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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