It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
