Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
