oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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