so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
