and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize