you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
