Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
