NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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