The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
