I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
