how can u be prego again
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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