isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
