Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
