We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
