Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
