Got a toothbrush?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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