just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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