Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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