I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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