Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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