walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
