Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
me + whiskey = a bad person
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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