listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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