okay pat passed out under dana's car
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
