Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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