I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize