he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize