its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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