Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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