Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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