Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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