thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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