i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
