someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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