I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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