Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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