Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
