He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do herpes really smell.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
