I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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