dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
