I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
