y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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